The suffering you’ve experienced in this lifetime may be the consequence of an unresolved, unforgiven debt. Until that debt is settled, you can’t move forward into a better life. It gets paid through forgiveness. The grudge you are holding from that unsettled falling out with someone, is devastating your life in numerous ways..
Stay with me. It’s your duty in this lifetime to identify the people you’ve wronged and offer them your apology in the sincerest way you possibly can, so you can make peace with them. That’s always the goal: peace. On the other side of the table is the person who was wronged, and they carry a responsibility too. They’re asked to forgive. They need to sincerely accept the apology and sincerely let it go. Not the kind of forgiveness you say just to make someone go away, but a real, heartfelt effort to restore peace between you. Maybe the lines of communication were cut years ago, however that silence is literally separation. Maybe now you’ve accepted Instagram friendship again, and the separation is gone. The goal is not just restoring peace, but restoring unity and oneness with others.
I think many people believe forgiveness should stay strictly private, something you settle inside your own mind and never actually say to the other person, out loud or any other way. But true forgiveness reaches out. It lets the other person know you hope they’re doing well, that you know the two of you have had a troubled past, and that you simply want to say you forgive them and hope you can both put it behind you. It’s a genuine attempt at peace and reconciliation.
That doesn’t mean you have to get together again, spend time together, or start hopping on calls. The reconnection itself is what establishes the peace, in place of clinging to old grudges. It’s the reopening of lines that were once cut, and that is very much in the spirit of oneness rather than separation. Separation is always the enemy of spiritual health, and of accessing the kingdom of God within you.
It’s also worth noting that in Matthew’s original Greek, the word in the Lord’s Prayer was “debts,” not “trespasses.” “Debts” carries a much more accurate meaning. It suggests that you’ve wronged someone, or they’ve wronged you, and that things need to be made right by making peace. Once you understand that these wrongs are debts to be forgiven or repaid, those iconic lines, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” make so much more sense. “Trespasses” doesn’t give the reader the full picture of a wrong that needs to be forgiven the way a debt can be forgiven. So reach out and forgive those people their debts, and let go of those grudges. The goal is to clear out every grudge you’re carrying and to also restore peace with everyone. There’s nothing more toxic than a life weighed down by grudges that were never settled.
It’s also worth saying that the suffering you’re experiencing is self-inflicted. It comes from the unresolved issues, and the pain and grievances, you’ve kept holding onto. It isn’t a punishment from God. It’s simply the law of cause and effect: the pendulum you set in motion swings back and hits you. So never blame God for punishing you. Everything that happens to you in life is the result of your own actions, and that’s true of the good just as much as the bad. Knowing that is the nature of the universe, should make you even more eager to make restitutions and reconciliations with others.
The Bottom Line Here Is This:
‘Forgive others!’ is a nice teaching, repeated to death, losing much of its force. However, a more specific and accurate application of Jesus’ teachings is this:
Make actual peace with the people you’ve had a falling out with. All of them.
That means actually reaching out and initiating reconciliation. Tell them plainly that you hope they’re well, that you want to put the past behind you both, and that you’d like to reopen the lines of communication. In many cases, this simple act of humility and love will surprise them and be welcomed. Contemporary Christianity often treats forgiveness as a private mental note. You decide in your own mind that you’ve forgiven someone, and that’s the end of it. But if the relationship is still broken and the lines of communication are still closed, real forgiveness hasn’t happened. It’s only been imagined. True forgiveness restores peace, heals old wounds and reopens lines of communication.
Once you’ve done it, you may wish you had done it sooner. There is a real freedom in setting your ego aside and letting go of an old grudge. Forgiveness is something you do, not something you think. Peace is made by reaching across the divide.
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