Actual Christianity

No matter what a person says, in your consciousness respond with blessing instead of defense. You can also do this verbally in a way that defuses the situation as effectively as possible. The ego will always try to feel hurt, to play the victim, and to justify retaliation. But every act of retaliation is nothing more than a symptom of a wounded ego. Make it your practice to refuse being hurt; your goal is to strengthen yourself until your skin is no longer thin, but as resilient as armor. This is a big component of why Jesus said repeatedly to forgive as much as possible, because the overall goal here is to never be able to be offended/hurt because you are so resilient. Our egos are illusionary, and others cannot hurt what isn’t real, so let anything they say or do roll off your back. If someone doesn’t reach out to you to offer condolences over a tragic death in your family? Forgive them. If someone doesn’t reach out to you to say hello/congrats? Forgive them. Someone doesn’t hold the door open for you? Forgive them. The cashier is rude to you when ringing you up? Forgive them. If someone leaves you on read, ghosts you, or doesn’t interact with your social media posts? Forgive them. Do not cave into your ego’s constant need to feel offended or hurt. Here are some terrific quotes that illustrate the benefits of being resilient.

John Wesley preached that a sanctified Christian should not be “provoked” by insult or injury:
“Be not easily provoked. If you are, you are not a Christian. For anger rests only in the bosom of fools.”

Oswald Chambers connects offense directly to pride and self-protection:
“The man or woman who is easily offended is still full of self. The saint never takes offense.”

Martin Luther King phrased this idea while preaching that love and nonviolence required refusing to be governed by insult:
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.”
This forgiveness posture means not clinging to offense.

Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius taught that offense arises from our judgments, not others’ actions:
“If someone speaks ill of you, it is only harmful if you consent to being hurt.” (Epictetus)

Buddha is often quoted:
“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
This resonates strongly with the Christian call to let go of offense, in addition to being a foundation for Christian thought.

C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity describes the truly humble person as someone who “will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.” That kind of humility makes one difficult to offend, since offense requires a wounded ego. In other words genuine humility isn’t about constantly trying to appear humble, or even about thinking, “I’m being humble right now.”

If someone is still focused on their own humility, their attention is still centered on the self, their image, their character, how they compare to others. That’s actually still ego at work. True humility shows up when self-concern fades away. The humble person isn’t dwelling on themselves, whether good or bad, proud or humble, they’re simply present, attentive, and concerned with others or with the task at hand. In short:

False humility = thinking a lot about how humble you are, or how you appear.
True humility = not thinking about yourself at all.

In the context of ego transcendence. Jesus repeatedly emphasized turning away from self-importance, self-defense, and self-promotion, because the ego is what blinds us from oneness with God.

When Jesus taught, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily” he was pointing to the practice of setting aside the ego, the constant obsession with me, mine, my status, my reputation. In that sense, true humility is not about making yourself “low” but about no longer being trapped in the cycle of self-preoccupation at all.

From a spiritual awakening perspective, the humble person isn’t measuring themselves against others, or even against an ideal of humility. They are simply living from the deeper Self—the “kingdom of God within” where the false self (ego) has loosened its grip.

In practical terms:

• Ego-driven humility = “Look how selfless I am” or “I’m working on being humble.”
• Ego-transcending humility = forgetting yourself, because your attention rests entirely in God, in others, and in the present moment.

For Christians that reject any discussion of ego in Christianity, this comes from a lack of understanding of Jesus’ teachings. The aforementioned quote may be one of the most explicit references to the human ego that Jesus makes, however the meaning is lost to those who always choose to interpret Jesus literally even when he frequently spoke poetically and figuratively. Here, the “themselves” and “life” he is referring to is our egos, but both Christian and atheist literalists will come away thinking he is advocating actual suicide or death.

‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.’”

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