When you find yourself feeling somewhat offended, or taking anything even a little personal, that’s your cue to immediately let things go. Make it a knee jerk reaction over time. Just think to yourself:
“ok they said what they said for whatever reason, but I’m not in a position to take anything personal. Nothing can or should faze me”
You should never let anything faze you. Treat the management of your ego like a high wire act that you desperately don’t want to fall out from, except it’s not as hard as a high wire act.
Your goal is always to neutralize any sting to your ego no matter how slight.
This is especially important when someone criticizes or dismisses something you like or a position you agree with and it bothers you heavily, because their comment is not actually an attack on you. If you feel hurt or defensive, it’s a sign that you’ve identified with that thing and your goal should be to release all identification in order to shed the ego. For example, if someone criticizes your favorite rock band’s latest album, they’re simply commenting on the album itself. There’s no need to leap to its defense. Feeling the urge to do so signals that you’ve made them part of your identity and ego. Instead of thinking, “I am this band” instead think “I am a reflection of our Creator and Source nothing more, nothing less.”. It’s critical that you don’t use differences in opinion as opportunities for your ego to see yourself as superior to others, as this is the one of the biggest slip ups.
If someone doesn’t write back to your texts and it slightly bugs you? No reason to take it personal, it’s not that deep. Make the excuses in your mind for them if it helps. “Maybe they’re busy. I think they have deadlines” If someone doesn’t hold the door for you walking behind them. There’s numerous reasons why they didn’t do it, but don’t use it as a reason to judge them or get mad. Just think back to moments you did that same exact thing, so don’t take it personal. Obviously, offenses can run the gamut from something small like someone being slightly rude to you to someone betraying you, but the goal is always to not let it faze you and it takes practice.
That is not to say something as major as betrayal is equivalent to someone being incredibly rude to you in a store, but the idea is getting to the point where very little can faze you. If it’s something devastating or major to your life that’s not as easy to quickly forgive, then you need to work towards the goal of forgiveness via therapy or any other means in order to eventually come to terms and forgive them. In many cases it takes putting aside pride and ego in order to do this which is why it causes such a devastating blow to the human ego which thrives on victim complexes.
Your mantra should always be “I will not take this personally” or “This does not faze me”. Make this your M.O.
Jesus always said to always forgive, which is fine, but what’s even better is just never letting it penetrate your skin in the first place.
If someone says something slightly offensive to your culture, your race, your tastes, your interests? Invoke the mantra. There is nothing to take personal here. Their opinion and tastes is their prerogative, not yours.
The moment you take something personal, you’ve fallen off the high wire act of maintaining peace, so do your best to stay on a roll and maintain the momentum of never letting anything faze you. See any potential comments or actions that seem intended to get under your skin? That’s your reminder and cue to neutralize it immediately.
This can also run the gamut from people interrupting you, snapping at you, ghosting you, to something harsher like accusing you of lying. If you start feeling a little offended/upset because of some feeling of indignation (“how dare you do this to me?!”) that’s a huge red flag that your ego is crying, so invoke the mantra immediately. If you feel offended because someone makes a condescending remark about your culture.
Remember it’s a comment designed to get under your skin or trigger your ego, so, knowing that’s the goal, rob it of its power by saying “I refuse to take this personally. This says more about them than it does about me” however, keep in mind that you should not take this as an opportunity to raise yourself above them, as this would just inflate and perpetuate it. Only say it to help you understand where their current head space is.
let the mantra “I refuse to take this personally” be your cornerstone and guide.
Classic Christianity says to declare that you forgive them, but in many cases I find it even better to not even let whatever they said or did faze me in the first place.
There’s nothing to forgive because it never fazed me in the first place.
Keep practicing the mantra when appropriate until it becomes so automatic that it doesn’t require any conscious voluntary effort. Remember, getting offended and taking offense is feeding your ego, and you do not want that to continue happening. The point is to starve it of the attention and focus it desires. They are essentially trying to offend something that does not exist as you are not your ego. Your goal is letting go of all identification with it.
Imagine a civilization wherein nothing can faze anyone. We’d see significantly less conflict and social unrest. A collective effort for everyone to attain this standard would eventually result in a healthier selfless society. A push towards an ideal civilization would be one with less people throwing an indignant ego motivated tantrum or due to a sense of entitlement. That would be a great tool to help practitioners successfully and maturely transition into adulthood. No hurt feelings are possible.
Keep practicing and see any incoming offenses to your feelings as golden opportunities to sharpen your skills and thicken your skin. Your skin should be completely resistant armor once you’ve integrated this into your character/habits successfully. This also gradually chips away at your ego over time, which is what you definitely want to be doing. If you’re not feeding your ego, you’re starving it until it dies.
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