Actual Christianity

I’ve often observed within the trans community a strong insistence on having one’s gender accurately recognized, often accompanied by deep frustration when it’s misrepresented or misunderstood. While this response is profoundly human and rooted in a desire for dignity, it can also reflect an ego deeply attached to identity—one that seeks constant affirmation and reacts defensively when that identity is questioned.

That being said, it’s absolutely essential that the trans community not be judged or condemned by others—especially by Christians, who are explicitly taught to refrain from judgment. At the same time, it’s worth recognizing that a knee-jerk reaction of feeling disrespected is, more often than not, a subtle signal that the ego has been bruised. In such moments, rather than lashing out, we are invited to pause, reflect, and forgive. The feeling of offense is not a weakness, but a spiritual prompt—a chance to practice the very grace we all hope to receive. The trans community is absolutely welcomed in the Christian community, and should never feel rejected or judged by any community they join, because we don’t quite fully understand the absolute reason they were born that way. There are a myriad of reasons and it’s not a simple black and white issue.

By contrast, one of the most admirable qualities of a spiritually mature Christian is a kind of unshakable resilience—an ego that cannot be bruised. Offense rolls off their back, and forgiveness flows instinctively, unclouded by pride or indignation. The inner voice that cries, “How dare you?” is a reliable sign of the ego asserting itself—a signal not to retaliate, but to pause and reflect. These moments are not attacks, but divine opportunities for growth in patience, compassion, and grace.

Though I use the trans community here as an example due to the visibility of such dynamics in recent discourse, this reaction is by no means exclusive to any one group. We’ve all in the past, myself included, felt the sting of being misunderstood and have reacted with egoic defensiveness. But the higher aim is to cultivate a character so rooted in truth and self-awareness that offense becomes nearly impossible. Thin skin and fragile egos are weights that hinder our spiritual evolution.

Ironically, we see a similar pattern of reaction among some Christians—particularly when expressions like “Happy Holidays” are used instead of “Merry Christmas.” The outrage this sometimes provokes mirrors the same “How dare you?” sentiment. Whether it’s our gender, our faith, or any aspect of our identity, the ego often leaps to defend what it perceives as sacred. But in doing so, it reveals a deeper truth: that our true strength lies not in defending our identity, but in transcending the need to.

One of the greatest ironies in taking offense at the phrase “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” is that such indignation contradicts the very spirit of Jesus’ teachings. He warned against the ego’s need for exclusive recognition and tribal superiority—behaviors that divide rather than unite. Insisting that only “Merry Christmas” be used ignores the presence and dignity of those from other faiths, and fosters the illusion of separateness. In contrast, “Happy Holidays” embodies the inclusive spirit of unity—honoring all people as members of one human family, all children of the same divine source.

Other thin skinned offenses include

• Why haven’t they called me yet?
• Why haven’t they read or written back to my messages?
• Why aren’t they respecting my identity?
• Why didn’t they hold the door for me?
• Why are they walking so slow or in my way?
• Why aren’t they as friendly or social with me as they are with others?
• Were they talking about me?

That sense of indignation often carries with it an underlying feeling of entitlement or belief that one is owed a certain kind of recognition or treatment. This reaction is deeply rooted in the ego. Entitlement, in this context, is a clear symptom of the ego at work—demanding affirmation and resisting humility. Recognizing and letting go of this entitlement is essential on the path to spiritual growth and inner peace.

Ultimately, it all comes down to hurt feelings and ego, so let that be your guide. Get to the point where nothing can hurt your feelings.

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